We are all DOOMED!
by yolapeoples
Summary: “She said yes.” Sirius finds out Lily said yes to James… and thinks it’s all a clever and dastardly plot to hurt his best mate. Sirius’ POV possibly - no. wait… MOST DEFINITELY - under the influence of caffeine . Sirius Randomness! Not to make puns...


**Explanation: I was reaaaallllyyy bored about a year ago and wrote this. I just added the last part a few weeks ago though. Based on a comic I saw forever ago god-does-not-know where.**

**Summary: "She said yes." Sirius finds out Lily said yes to James… and thinks it's all a clever and dastardly plot to hurt his best mate. Sirius' POV (possibly - no. wait… MOST DEFINITELY - under the influence of caffeine). Sirius Randomness!! Not to make puns...**

**Disclaimer: The Marauders and everything else do not belong to me. They belong to J.K. Rowling; I just provided the coffee, Red Bull and sugary cereals. -pulls off false moustache, hat and super long overcoat and runs for the hills- You'll never get me alive!**

**Dedication: ROBERTA BOB WILLOUGHBY! He's the one who wanted me to publish this. BLAME HIM! And La Sorciere. Yes, mua ha ha. mua ha ha...**

**Tid-bit: I may be insane, but Sirius is ten times worse. At least I don't drink coffee. Hoo-boy. PLEASE REVIEW EVERYBODY! Not as good as my other randomness, but PLEASE REVIEW ANYWAY!**

**We Are All DOOMED!**

It was sometime in the morning that was way too early for me. Of course, for me, anything that is before 10 o'clock on the weekend is waaaaayyy too early. Why, you may ask? Well, I like to sleep. I'm not like Prongs who can pretty much stay up all night and STILL have the energy to chase after Lily in the morning… scratch that…he chases her day and night. The rare times he actually does sleep, he dreams of her. I swear the guy runs on Red Bull or something!! I am also not like Wormtail who can sleep (and snorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!) 'til he gets hungry… then eat until the world runs out of food and STILL eat! True fact: Peter is the cause of world hunger. I am also not like Moony who could stay up all night reading and than sleep during breakfast and even some classes and STILL manage to get good grades! Of course, he has the most reasonable excuse for he is a WEREWOLF!! I SHALL PROCLAIM IT TO THE WORLD, MOONY, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!! … Actually, that's not true. You could probably bribe me with something, but WHATEVER! No, for I am just Sirius Black. _Just_. Ha. I laugh at myself. Ha ha ha! Anyway, I actually LIKE to sleep unlike my weirdo friends who are convinced that _I_ am the weird one. How do you like that?!

Whoa… did I mention coffee is way better than tea? Unless of course the tea has lots of sugar in it… Anyway, it was some excruciatingly early time… probably around 8-ish I would assume when I decided to steal Wormtail's toast and jam. When I get hungry, you will give me food or I will kill you. You do NOT want to be on my bad side. Just look at ol' Snivellous! MUA HA HA HA HA!! _beep beep beep_ Oh, right. I'm not supposed to laugh evilly this early in the morning. So, yadda yadda yadda, I stole Wormtail's toast.

"PADFOOT! Gimme my toast back!!"

Yes, he started pestering me about it. THAT's when Prongs came sauntering into the Great Hall. Yes, people, SAUNTERING! READ MY LIPS! S-A-U-N-T-E-R-I-N-G (remind me to brag to Moony how I CAN spell!!) into the Great Hall. Of course, this doesn't stop Wormtail from trying to get his toast back. Unfortunately for him, half of it had already found its way into my stomach.

Concerned about why (the BLOODY HELL) my dear friend Prongs came SAUNTERING into the Great Hall, I went, "What the BLOODY HELL was that?" Ain't I such a good friend?

Moony, being the insensitive and uncaring being that he is, ignored this entire episode and continued to read his book. YES! HE WAS READING A BOOK AT 8 IN THE MORNING ON A WEEKEND!! WEIRDO!!

"She said yes."

My eyes widened in horror at these three words and I spit out a mouthful of Wormtail's bread.

"WHAT?!" I screamed this as loud as I possibly could which, by the way, is pretty darn loud. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard it while you were reading this. I probably woke up some Martians with that yell. I apologize, dear Martians, but as you can see, I have my reasons.

I looked at Moony, who seemed unfazed. Noticing that I was staring at him, he looked up and went, "I already knew."

"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU, MOONY!! BETRAY ME AND NOT TELL ME THIS HORRID TRUTH!!"

Again, I apologize to the Martians and maybe the Jupitarians this time as well.

Prongs was still smiling away completely lost in his on little Lily-filled world. SO, being the kind and caring soul that I am, I began to shake him violently by the shoulders.

"PRONGS!!" I think I just blew Pluto up. Sorry Plutonians.

"What?" he said.

"YOU ARE _NOT_ GOING OUT WITH LILY EVANS!!" Prongs, please say no for the sake of the universe. I'm about to break the sound barrier

"Yes, I am."

"BUT SHE **HATES** YOU!!" Goodbye universe, I knew you well. I braced myself for the explosion of our fragile universe. Instead, Remus smashed his hand into the top of my skull. I fell over onto the ground.

"That's better." said Remus, standing, looking down at me.

"What's going on?"

It was her! Devil woman who dares to plot against my friends and lead poor defenseless Prongs on!! I must stop her… if only I could get up. _Ow…_

"Good morning, Lily." said James happily.

"Yo." said Remus. Peter, I saw from my place on the floor, was eating… SO OBVIOUS!! Bacon of all things. I also saw that they were all sitting down at the table again.

"Are you all ready for the Transfiguration test?" asked Remus. What a nerd… he's hopeless. "Did you study?"

"No need." said James un-big-headedly. How that works I don't know, that's just how he said it.

"I think I'm ready." said Lily. He he he. No, you're not. Transfiguration's your worst subject! MUA HA HA!! VICTORY FOR MEEEE!!

"Of course you are!! I reviewed with you! You'll do fine!" _Doom, doom, doom._ NOOOO!! Prongs!! HOW COULD YOU?! You helped her in her worst subject?? AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I had to take action!!

"Does my laying here, I don't know, BOTHER anyone??" I said loudly.

They all turned and blinked at me.

"Fine. Leave me here to rot!"

"Padfoot…" sighed Prongs and Moony in unison as they came over and picked me up, each by grabbing a forearm. Moony left, Prongs right.

"Do you know how hard Moony hits??" I said, brushing myself off, "He could be a Beater any day!"

"Yeah well…" said Moony blushing somewhat before changing the subject, "No more sugary cereals for you."

I whimpered and proclaimed dramatically, "That's it! WE ARE ALL DOOMED!! DOOMED, I SAY!! DOOOOOOOOOMMMEDDD!!"

And that, my friends, was when the universe ended.

...

BOOM!

**XxXxX**

"Padfoot?" asked Remus in a relatively worried tone.

"Uh…" went James and Peter.

Lily stared down at Sirius Black's lifeless form and concluded, "I think he's out cold."

"Er, well. I'm sorry." apologized Hagrid, "Didn't think 'e was goin' to stand up like that. Startled me, he did. And I dropped that box on his head." Hagrid picked up the box labeled "Heavy. Handle with Care." and was emitting strange noises. "I'm sorry 'bout that." repeated Hagrid.

Remus looked at Hagrid, "Don't worry. I think he needed that."

**Fin**


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